I couldn't sleep tonight when the lights were turned down and Phil drifted off snoring in time with the dog. As I lay here listening I think about a chat I had with my little guy yesterday when he missed the bus and I got to take him to school. His school is quite the drive so it was a good chat.
We talked about being grumpy in the morning. Little did I know that he is quite the grump to Grams and Dad in the morning on school days. The poor grown ups get snipped at for getting the wrong cereal or the wrong jam on toast. When I'm up with him he is good at getting his own things and asking for help when it is needed. He is 7 and should be able to do this on his own, I think. Not the point here nor is the chat that I had with Bradach. Which went well because I too was not and am not a morning person. I love a good sun rise and a nice breakfast but it needs to be on a day my body naturally wakes up that early. We parted in the school parking lot him energized and determined to behave better in the mornings. Just in case you were wondering how that ride ended.
To the point about why I am writing. Phil has figured out that if left to wake on my own I seem to have more energy and I'm more pleasant through the day. So he lets sleeping dragons sleep until said sleeping dragons are ready to wake, smart guy. With my heart disease. again, mornings can be a challenge. I usually fight through the nights with chest pain and the earliest I can take my heart medications is 8 AM. Thus I'm generally stuck in bed until around that time before I can safely take my medications. Then I'm there a good half hour before they start to work and I can spring to life. Naturally as a non morning person this half hour leads to falling back to sleep.
So here I am asleep waiting for my body to wake up fully. That time is when my body kicks in dream mode. They are full color, full action, full feeling, full attention and full of life. Not the life I actually live but my morning life. My body and mind has created a world for me. A world where I have the same family. I'm a physically active same real life age person. Key to this is physically active.
Due to this there are mornings that I get up, in my dream and go put in a shift at the fire station. Yes, I did pass my Fireman's test thank you very much! It was tough and grueling and I woke up sore that morning. Days that I work at the station I go on EMS calls and most of them are similar to ones I have already gone on. Things are clear and crisp, from my comforting words to being able to set up multiple agency cooperation. I have my down time and my paperwork too. It's all there. The best part is the feeling I have when I wake and I feel like I am still a part of my EMS family. Now a new addition is the firemen family to go along with it.
Back to sleep another morning I woke up yelling GREAT JOB! This one was with me and my son and husband. We were in the backyard with the dog. I wasn't tethered to oxygen cords nor did I feel weak. I was strong. We played soccer for what seemed like half a day. Scoring and dribbling, passing and laughing. Then it was to the front for some basketball. It was getting dark so we turned on the front porch lights. I could feel the coolness of the evening setting in. We played on the neighborhood kids started showing up to play so we played Lightning. A game that I haven't been able to play for a few years and I still remember my last game. I had ultimate stamina playing with the excitement of kids and adults alike. Rebounding and running up to shoot was not easy but felt good. To sweat to breath hard, sides aching and lungs burning. Pure bliss.
Another morning another dream. This one I awake from being out of breath. Not something abnormal now during the night from chest pain. This time it is a dream though and not my heart. Yes my heart is thudding in my chest and I am out of breath but I am in no pain. I am giddy inside as well. The dream was a double nighter, it was a Thursday night and I was coaching the high school softball team. The girls played hard. They played as a team. In my dream I can feel the chuckle roll off my shoulder on the ride home when the goofy players are singing and mimicking idiotic movies. I am tired but a job well done. The next night after a long dirty practice that ends in a fun game I'm off to my own game. Phil and Bradach are in the stands. I can feel the love as they cheer on the team. I'm up to bat and hit a blooper into mid field. Enough for a single. I get to first and smile huffing thinking to myself sit on one to the next batter I need to catch my breath. They end up hitting a nice one to the fence. I take off rounding to 3rd and slowing up. Now I really need some oxygen. My lungs are burning and so are my legs. I feel a little nostalgic thinking of how easy it used to be when I was younger. Next batter gets a single and I get to run in home. I get a drink and turn my nose up to the all familiar smell of bug spray. The sun has set..it's dusty, the lights are on and the bugs are out. I too spray some on before I run out to play defense.
These dreams that I have have meaning some days it's a play that I go to. Some days are sad and I wake up feeling sad for something that never really happened. Some times Phil makes me mad in dreams and I actually have to talk myself out of staying mad at him. They are real to me, real to my senses. It is a gift I think. A gift given to me by my husband who takes care of things in the morning. A gift that comes with having a different schedule and yes...having time to do it. I would be living out those things had I not gotten sick so I appreciate my dreams. Some are run ons from days before. Those are some of my favorites. Life in those dreams are like life now happy and sad, exhilarating and dull but all are true feelings.
A part of me lives on. So yes, you can perceive me as being lazy and some days when I wake up at 11 I might think of things I could have gotten done. I really feel after looking at these hours in another realm that it is how I should spend my time. I live life to the fullest in my dreams and it makes it easier through the day and I appreciate even more those senses that I actually still get to experience like the true love from my husband and son.
I won't trade my life for my morning dreams but now you know another tid bit about me and why I tick the way I do. My dad....the true morning man might appreciate a little more of why his Little Ray of Sunshine sleeps in.