Seeking Solace Through the Window
As I sat in room 426 on the cardiac wing, going on day 10 of what was to be 14 days, I start to see a pattern. I had a horrible view through a tiny window across my poorly lit hospital room. However out my door is a tall long window peering out onto the beautiful fall colored hills.
I was quiet as I sat and looked through the window. I was grateful for what I had. A new doctor that wanted to fight beside me. A hospital staff that accepted this treatment and it's craziness. Not to mention a fantastic family that made sure things at home were going smoothly with me out of position in my life.
I would be a liar if I didn't feel longing to be somewhere else. Home mostly where my garden needed picking and food needed storing. My little boy just started 3rd grade and I craved to take him to and from school as well as help him along his journey....not to add to his stress. Life out the window was changing and moving without me.
The floor was not a quiet one. Code blue blared out of the speakers in the halls just when you least expected. The hustle and bustle of people being moved to and returning from some kind of heart surgery seemed to be the grove in the halls. Then when the lights dimmed and the hospital world seemed to slow down people would come.
They came and stood in front of the window and said words to whomever or whatever would listen. These words sometimes came audible and unforgiving. Unforgiving to whatever force was set upon a friend or a family member. They were not nice and came with sharp edges that stung.
At other times the words were not hurtful yet very truthful. There were people who stood in utter silence just staring. Yet you could feel the palpable humbleness of the truth. We were not in control we never were and won't become in total control until we have filled our destinies and roles.
Tears usually accompanied the people as they stood. Either happy, sad, elated, devastated or just in awe. The lucky ones had someone to hold on to while they stood. They were not alone...another truth. We are not alone and never will be. It is a calming truth a special truth not everyone realizes.
I am now home...no longer longing to be on the other side of the window. I am working hard at being patient with myself and allowing myself to heal from laying in a bed for so long. I remember the people that visited the window and I keep them in my prayers. They are not in control of the situation yet they are not alone now or ever.
So for now, this is me I'll be keepin it beaten! Brady